My life is getting so happening, it's scary.

Cooked up a korean storm for mummy last night. Korean spicy rice cake - ddeokbokki, korean pancake - pajeon, and some sweet korean pumpkin soup. Overdid it a little, so we invited Nicholas over to share our dinner. Everyone said it was good, but I thought the pajeon and pumpkin soup could have been better. -wrinkles nose-

This morning, after breakfast with mummy and daddy - who came back from KL for a day - we went for a shopping trip to pick up some ingredients because I was planning a spot of baking. My oven was whining from the lack of use, I was feeling guilty and because the shelf-lives of the existing ingredients in my pantry are extinguishing. Wasting food. May lightning strike me. I really don't want to end up all charred...

Alas, baking session did not happen.

Almost fainted while on the way home. I was seeing lots of stars, brain whirling, stomach churning and I felt the immense urge to line the streets with the insides of my intestines. Next thing I knew I was slumping in the arms of mummy - whom, I have to add, had the greatest shock of her life. She's been on my case since. I'm expecting a huge truckload of herbal tonics and vitamins and other assorted health supplements to come my way soon. I've been surprisingly weak for someone who dabbled in sports since young, but it isn't like I asked to be anemic, or that I've prayed for low blood pressure or high cholesterol or asthma or allergies. God dealt me quite a crappy deck of cards for my health. I wasn't at the meeting when he decided that.

Through this incident, I've also truly felt disgusted with the overpopulation problem of Singapore. We tried waiting for the cab at the taxi stand despite the crazy queues, because I was in no shape to walk anywhere. The wait turned out to be really torturous and it was suddenly really essential to get help as soon as possible. So we took the train, which I have to mention, was equally worse. (I really didn't want the ambulance.)

Squeezing close to 5million people on a land space that was smaller than a lot of states is really ridiculous. As our society progresses forward, I have this foreboding thought that our standards of living has regressed. You can't walk anywhere without stepping on somebody else's personal space. You can't dine without having the next table unintentionally eavesdrop on private conversations. There are no quiet, EMPTY places to wind down and relax. I don't know how people do it. I don't think I can do this for the rest of my life. 

Anyway, I digress. If there must be a moral of the story, it's to not plan because nothing ever turns out the way we want it to be - and that the government needs to start shipping people off the island. 

This blog is about to go to waste. 


My last entry was so long ago I don't even remember when was the last time I came here. So many months, so many things. I feel so ancient, the naive and stupid self so foreign I have no recollections of the reasons for the way I've acted. From cocoon to that beautiful winged-figure, I only hope my evolution will change my perspective of the world. Time healed - together with a busy, enriching life. 

Which is why I've signed up for so much commitment these few months.

Started my internship with FlickEvents & FeverAvenue at the start of May, right after the semester came to a close. I had avowed to close friends, my apprehension of interning at a startup - one that's incubated within the NUS campus no less. It wasn't an impressive corporation, doesn't wow people with an international branding, and the number of employees could easily be represented with both hands. To add insult to the wound, it wasn't an opening at an advertising agency. Regardless, I accepted because I was interested in the workings - the hearsay culture that was so unique to a startup. I was also impressed with the informal meeting I had with my to-be-boss - who seemed to promised quite an internship program that was flexible and catered to my interests. 

Fast-forwarding three months later, it's my last week of work in the office (i've been extended an offer to work part-time when uni reopens for a new academic year - to which I've already agreed). In the very last week, I was given the opportunity to helm the office while the rest were out on a business trip. If it was the old me, I would have panicked  at the sheer volume of work: liaising, managing, designing, pitching, training. But I didn't, which quashed that persistent little worry that I've made a wrong choice this summer. I've grown - as little as it is, and I'm proud of myself. Just a teeny weeny bit. -smiles-



Apart from work, I've signed up for dance at Celine Jessandra, as well as Studio Wu - korean hip hop and street jazz respectively. Always wanted to get rid of my two left feet, but always worrying about embarrassing myself. During that period of depression, I really wanted something out of my life. I wanted something that would prove I've tried living my life to its fullest. So I steeled myself, tossed the insecurities and registered. I'm enjoying every moment of it. Plus, I'm always grateful for these friends whom I've grown so much closer to. 

It's true then. Carpe diem. Time waits for no man.

When school starts, I'm going back for my Jap classes and I'm planning to take more electives which I would like - rather than the ease of getting a good grade. I've been actively changing the way I live my life these past months, and I'm gonna ride on the momentum. (:

No more procrastinating, and speaking of that, I've been planning to revamp my blog for a little while already. Time to start designing!! -smacks self-

I'm so sick of everything. Sick of school, sick of trying my best at everything, sick of trying to be happy, sick of life in general. It's so hard to hold on to hope and then worry about when everything's going to crash. Every time I see a glimmer of something it would be up, up, up into the clouds and then it changes course and gets arrowed right into concrete. Sometimes I don't know why I'm down, sometimes I want to scream when I'm down. Other times, I have no idea what to do with this heavy feeling roiling in me.

When I break down, people automatically assumed I'm not over 'the incident'. Honestly? That's not it. This is my life, It's about me and I want it to be that way. I took a really long while to learn what everybody has been trying to tell me: you have to think you deserve it before others will give it to you, you have to love yourself before others will love you. It's difficult for someone with low self-esteem to work along those lines, but I have been trying and I don't want to make that all go to waste so I'll say it here once and for all.

It's water under the bridge, it's over and I don't intend to waste anymore time on regrets and what-ifs. Someone told me that it's only over when things go back to amiable terms. I beg to differ. When you no longer spend time agonizing about it, when your emotions are no longer controlled by the event, when you don't feel like crying every time it pops into your mind, or rather, when it stops popping into your mind, it's done. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Depression kills people. I really need to do something about this soon. I can't do this anymore. 

Update: Remember the fruit tarts that Mx and I baked for Ck's birthday? I just got my hands on the photos :P


Pretty, aren't they? My vote still remains with the strawberry/blueberry combination. The red really stands out with the dark berries. Love the contrast~ I've yet to figure out how to make the shells remain crunchy hours after the custard and fruits are added in - which is really important, since there's no way you can finish everything right after baking. (No matter how delicious it is...) Consultation with my more experienced baker friends added to to-do-list!

Need to find something else to bake. Soufflés, anybody?

Just came back from Bali, Indonesia!

Aside from a few eventful days, it was a really awesome trip. Had many fantastic moments with the LPS peeps, almost ripped my heart out while trying out several exhilarating water sports and imbibed great seafood nonstop. The villa was honestly quite worth the money, although we did spend a little more on transport since we chose a cheaper villa that hovered near the outskirts of town. The villa was completed with housekeeping and cooking staff, a chauffeur and his 8-seater vehicle and also a private pool in which we spent many watery fun-filled hours. Tried learning how to tread water to no avail - again. Everyone attempted to impart their treading skills in that relatively shallow pool, which resulted in the demise of Kel's toenail and other less memorable moments, and yet I'm still extremely sorry to announce that their efforts have gone to waste. Scuba diving in NUS in March - or in this lifetime - seems like an impossible dream.

( balibalibali )